How to Stop the Zombie Spider Apocalypse


I hate spiders. I really do. It’s amazing to Clint that something that is a fraction of my size can cause me to jump up onto furniture, and try to climb walls just to escape even the idea of a spider. Small, big, I don’t care. They’re all evil little creatures bent on world domination, in my estimation, and I don’t want anything to do with them.

Last year we started seeing big, ugly, awful, man-eating spiders in our windows in our humble little abode in Auburn Bay. After I calmed down from even seeing them from behind the safety of a window, I sent Clint on a spy mission to see where all the spiders were coming from. They were everywhere like all over the exterior of our house. After telling a few friends about this phenomenon, I learned that friends in McKenzie Towne, Cranston, Copperfield, and Mahogany were having the exact same issues. (See, I know I’m not crazy. I’m not the first one to predict the zombie spider apocalypse). I sent Clint out right away to buy something strong from Home Depot. I told him to do anything and everything to get rid of them: mustard gas, tear gas, nuclear warfare, I don’t care. Just GET them!

He came back and sprayed the exterior of our home with something I can only assume could burn through concrete. The spiders were gone….until THIS year. And here we are again. The spiders are back all over the exterior of our house, biding their time until they can fully envelop us with their webs of doom, and sacrifice our children to their spider gods.

I took to the internet to find a few solutions to get rid of them, and presently, Clint is on his way to Home Depot to begin our revolution. Here’s what I found:

1) Diatomaceous Earth

Having decided that putting chemicals around the perimeter of my home where my children play might not have been the wisest choice, I looked into this less chemically offensive alternative. It’s a naturally occurring substance. It basically dehydrates the offending critters when they come into contact with it. Sprinkle this stuff around places where the little devils tend to want to come in: piping, wire entries, and windows and doors.

2) Weather Stripping

Make sure you have these in place and they are fully functioning. These little guys are always looking for an entry way to terrorize you and your family. This is one of their best routes.

3) Mint Tea

Spiders have taste buds in their feet, and they don’t like the taste of this stuff. This is one that is safe and clean to use inside the house. You can put the tea bags in doorways, windows and other openings. The fresh smell in the house isn’t a bad side benefit either.

4) Caulking

Make sure water pipes, and sinks are all caulked preventing any entry of these awful creatures.

5) Chestnuts

This is another scent that spiders don’t take kindly to. Crack the nuts and place them where you don’t want the arachnids to enter. You’ll need to replace them every so often to keep the scent strong.

6) Fogger

And, finally, for those of you who have done everything and you’re still in a bad way, fog it. (I have to say after writing this blog, I’ve already texted Clint and asked him to pick up some fogger.) Be sure to read the instructions to make sure that the chemical you buy is not harmful to children or animals.


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Steve Didier

I take it Arachniphobia is not on your all time favorite movie list.... Entertaining post.


Thanks! I saw the movie when I was a lot younger. I think it contributed to my current state of abject fear.

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