Diary of A Slumlord: Lead Paint Disclosures (aka Rant #2)

In the world of real estate, there is nothing worse than a lawsuit. They are the bubonic plague of free markets, carried by rats and infecting the hardest-working first. The only winners are the attorneys, and most of us would rather not see attorneys make money (or live, for that matter).

Lawsuits are most successful where there is existing public sympathy, and everyone loves scandals like lead paint chips. Only children who sit around munching these things day in and day out will actually develop health problems (anyone remember the principle of natural selection?), and yet these lead paint lawsuits continue to plague those (like myself) foolish enough to actually invest money in dead-end neighborhoods.

Toward this end, the latest trend in ripping off “the man” is moving from house to house, waiting until a novice landlord doesn’t provide a lead paint disclosure and/or certification, and then feeding their children lead paint chips before filing a lead paint suit. And, incidentally, it’s not just the welfare queens who are responsible, it’s the lawyers who peddle this crap. God bless America.

So how do you protect yourself from this kind of depraved bull$hit? First of all, screen the hell out of your tenants (see here for How to Screen Tenants). Second, own your houses under LLCs (another quick article on landlord legal protection), consider owning your ownership in those with an irrevocable trust, and consider owning your ownership in that with your spouse (still with me? No? See an attorney). Finally, always comply with lead paint laws, and give your tenants lead paint disclosures when they sign a lease, because the minute you open the door, the flood waves come rushing in.

It may be a beautiful day in the neighborhood, but no, not everyone is special. My only consolation is that feeding children lead paint chips may win them some money, but give it a few generations. Those grandkids will be fit only to pick garbage off the sides of highways… and collect welfare, of course.

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