Joke of the Day - April 12/07

[SEO Nick]

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon to get lunch. Bill orders and the cashier gives him his meal. Ned goes up to order and the cashier greets him with "Hello Ned! How are you? Hey everybody! Ned's here!" Everybody in the restaurant comes up and says hello to Ned. After everyone has greeted him, Bill and Ned sit down and begin to eat.

"Ned, you're pretty popular!" says Bill. "I'm the most popular man in the world," says Ned.

"Now Ned," says Bill, your pretty popular but you're not the most popular man in the world."

"Oh yeah," Ned replies "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I'm friends with anybody you can name!"

"That so?" answers Bill, "How about the President of the United States?"

"Let's go!" says Ned.

The two fly to Washington and knock on the front door of the White House. The president answers, "Ned! How are you doing? I haven't seen you in ages!" The three go play a round of golf and then leave.

"That was luck!" says Bill, "Two thousand says your not friends with the Queen of England!"

"Let's go!" says Ned.

The two fly to Buckingham Palace and, sure enough, are greeted by the Queen. ''Hello Ned my boy! What have you been up to these days?" They enter the palace and have some tea and leave.

Frustrated, Bill says, "Double or nothing, you don't know the Pope!"

"Benny!" says Ned, "Let's go!"

When they get to the Vatican, Ned instructs Bill to wait outside and Ned will come out on the balcony with his arm around the Pope. After a while, a crowd gathers to hear the Pope speak. And as told by Ned, when the Pope came out, Ned's arm was wrapped around him. Ned looks down from the balcony and see's Bill passed out on the ground. He rushes down and wakes him up.

"Bill! Bill! Wake up!" Bill opens his eyes and says,

"Ned. You're the most popular man in the world."

"I told you that, Bill," says Ned, "but you didn't faint when I knew the President! You didn't faint when I knew the Queen!"

"Well I was shocked that you knew the Pope," says Bill. "But I just couldn't take it when the guy next to me tapped me on the shoulder and said "Who's that up there with Ned?"

__________________________________________________ ____

One day at a local buffet, a man suddenly called out, "My son is choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!"

A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy's testicles and squeezed. Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened.

"Thank you! Thank you!" the father cried. "Are you a paramedic?"

"No," replied the man, "I work for the IRS."

[BrandonSternfield]

First joke was funny.

Second joke made me almost spit coffee on my monitor.

[RESteve]

Ah, both good ones. Keep these coming - I look forward to reading these now every day.

[BrandonSternfield]

They brighten up my day.

Eventually I'll post a few treasures.

[REW Reed]

"Who's that with Ned?"

Priceless.

The Canadian equivalent of the second could be, "I drafted the GST."

(For those not familiar with Canadian culture, the great health care system we have comes at a cost. We are one of the highest taxed countries in the world. We are taxed on our income more than the average US citizen, and GST stands for Goods and Services Tax. So, if it is a good or a service we are taxed 6%. Is there anything else? This is on top of the standard 4-7% each Province imposes. In Newfoundland and Labrador, Nova Scotia, and New Brunswick, they pay 14% sales tax on most items. This is why Canadians have a great sense of humour. Some of the greatest North American comedians like Jim Carey, Mike Myers, Howie Mandel, Martin Short, and Dan Aykroyd were all born in Canada. We have little choice - if we didn't laugh, we would be the most depressed country in the world!)

[BrandonSternfield]

This also explains why hockey is such a violent sport. Need to attack someone, eh?

(Edit:I realize that 'eh' is misplaced, but I do that normally, totally not making the typical Canadian joke about it!)

[SEO Nick]

Howie Mandel is not funny.

End.

No Erasies.


Opinion only!

[BrandonSternfield]

I think he's hilarious.

I mean, he's so freaked out about germs and bugs, he shaved his head. He also won't touch people, and he's a game show host.

I dun know about you, but that's funny right thar.

[Auliya]

I still like Howie Mandel, you gotta love anyone who can overcome their illnesses to succeed like no other.....Michael J Fox would take top prize for that though..

But Bobby's World! I used to love bobby's world, and I do watch deal or no deal from time to time, and mostly just to watch Howie cuz i do get bored of the game show easily ....

And I love Canadian Actors who can make it in the biz, I used to feel that way about all canadian artists, but now i do discriminate between Canadian musical artists WITH talent, and those without. Very sad how commercial music these days is.....but i digress

[BrandonSternfield]

So how's Avril for ya?