Joke Of The Day - June 11/07

[SEO Nick]

The golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil leprechaun who exploited the ambitions of the poorer players. He popped up beside one unfortunate man who was participating in a club competition.

"Look," he said, "if you agree never to court a woman, flirt with a girl or marry, I'll help you win."

"Done," shouted the young golfer. The leprechaun was very pleased with conniving ways, and chuckled merrily.

When the golfer was in the clubhouse being praised by the other members, the leprechaun popped up on the shelf of the locker. "Hey," said the little elf, "I have to have your name for my records. What is it?"

"Father Murphy," grinned the golfer as he adjusted his Roman collar.

__________________________________________________ __

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."

"In God we trust, all others are suspects."

__________________________________________________ _________

A woman arrives at the Pearly Gates and finds St. Peter is not there, but a computer terminal is sitting next to the arch.

She walks up to it and sees, "Welcome to www.Heaven.com. Please enter your User ID and Password to continue."

She doesn't have either, but underneath the fields is a small line reading:

"Forgot your ID or Password? Click Here." So she does.

Up pops a screen that reads, "Please enter at least two of the following, and your pasword and ID will be e-mailed to you." The fields included "Name," "Date of birth," "Date of death," and "Favorite Food."

The woman enters her name and date of birth, and clicks "Submit."

Up pops another screen that reads, "We are sorry, we did not find a match in our database. Would you like to register?" So the woman clicks the button marked "Yes."

A long and detailed form appears on the screen, and the woman spends some time filling it out. Then she clicks the "Submit" button.

Now she is faced with a screen reading, "We are sorry, this service is temporarily unavailable. Please try again later."

There is a button marked "Back." She clicks it.

A new page appears.

It reads, "Welcome to www.Purgatory.com. Please enter your User ID and Password to continue..."

[BrandonSternfield]

I LOVE the purgatory one

[rew Kathleen]

hahaha they were all great today! Especially the last one!

[Saodavi]

"Look," he said, "if you agree never to court a woman, flirt with a girl or marry, I'll help you win."
...
"Father Murphy," grinned the golfer as he adjusted his Roman collar.

Got to read the fine print. The devil's in the details.

I know, I know. I'm going to hell for that. Window-seat please.

[REW Reed]

See, I like the priest joke because it can both be clean and dirty. The clean one is that the priest has taken a vow of celibacy so doesn't have to give anything up. The dirty one has to do with altar boys and Michael Jackson-like behavior...

[SEO Nick]

A priest singing catchy pop tunes? (With altar boys as backup?)

[REW Reed]

That's sounds pretty dirty to me. And considering Jacko was acquitted of all charges, I guess that is pretty close to the truth...

[SEO Nick]

I'm one of those who thinks it's innocent

[JennSellsFast]

Thanks for the jokes Nick, and I love the new avatar...lol