Joke of the day - August 20/07

[SEO Nick]

I replaced a couple of the words with some fun ones. Slightly dirty.


The pentagon said they had too many generals running around, so they decided to get rid of some of them. They offered $10,000 in severance pay for each inch of their body -- to be measured however they chose.

The Air Force general went first. He said he wanted to be measured from his head to his toe. He was 69 inches. He received $690,000.

Next up was the Army general. He wanted to be measured from the tip of his finger to the tip of his other finger. It was 80 inches. He received $800,000.

The two generals were very happy with their earnings.

Finally the Marine general came up. He said he wanted to be measured from the tip of his wibble to the tip of his balls. The man said, ''Sir, do you know how much the other generals received?''

The general said no. ''Sir, they received $690,000 and $800,000 respectively, are you sure that is what you want measured?''

The general said, ''Just do it!''

The man dropped the general's pants and measured his wang. When he went for the general's balls, they weren't there. The man said, ''Sir, where are your balls.''

The general said, ''I left them back in Vietnam.''
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A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''
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A farm boy who had just finished his schooling on the farm, was sent by his Ma and Pa to the big city to go to college. The first thing the boy does when he gets to town, is go to find a whorehouse. He goes inside to talk to the madam about getting a girl. She leads him upstairs, opens the door to a room and tells him to sit and wait for the girl to arrive.

After several minutes of anxious waiting, a young, blonde prostitute comes in. The boy is beside himself, and he leaps up from the bed, grabs the television, and throws it out the window. The girl thinks this is odd behavior, but she shrugs it off, and begins to undress. As she strips, the farmboy runs over, grabs the night stand and throws it out the window. Again the girl thinks this is odd, but being an experienced hooker, she figures it's a fetish and continues disrobing. The girl removes her panties, and with that, the farm boy grabs the entire bed and starts lugging it toward the window.

The girl, figuring this is one even she hasn't heard of, finally asks, "What the hell are you doing?"

The farm boy replies, "Ah ain't never been with no woman before but, if it's anythin' like makin love to a sheep, we gonna need all the room we can git."

[BrandonSternfield]

I've heard 1 and 2, and they made me smile, but #3 made coworkers look at me weird when they heard me laughing out loud.

Bravo good sir, Bravo.

[Agnafl]

All 3 are winners today!

[Malok]

#3 = my favorite by far today.

[jasoncrouch]

I liked all of these - I had heard the first one, but it's still good. #3 was terrific today.

[gregharaksin]

thanks Nick

[Mack Perry]

Down on the farm where the men are men and the sheep are nervious.

[escapeso]

I like 1.

[ericbadgley]

good one

[avonreal]

when they finally find he's balls in vietnam, he'll be a billionaire!