Brandon's 1000th post, and a few jokes

BrandonSternfield · 06-28-2007, 10:31 AM

I didn't realize how close I was, so I found a few jokes, just for all you people out in internet land!

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A mother and her daughter were at the gynecologist’s office. The mother asked the doctor to examine her daughter.
"She has been having some strange symptoms and I’m worried about her," the mother said.
The doctor examined the daughter carefully and then announced, "Madam, I believe your daughter is pregnant."
The mother gasped, "That’s nonsense! Why, my little girl has nothing whatsoever to do with men." She turned to the girl. "You don’t, do you, dear?"
"No, mumsy," said the girl. "Why, you know that I have never so much as kissed a man!"
The doctor looked from mother to daughter, and back again. Then, silently he stood up and walked to the window, staring out. He continued staring until the mother felt compelled to ask, "Doctor, is there something wrong out there?"
"No, Madam," said the doctor. "It’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the East and I was looking to see if another one was going to show up."

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This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for two days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any.... true story...a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

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A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks. As he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel.
He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says, "What's this?"
She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
He turns beat red in horror and goes, "Geez, oh..I..."
She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."

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A young woman was in the hospital, recovering from major surgery. She hated being stuck in the tiny little room all day and to make matters worse, the daily routine was starting to get to her. Every morning, for example, the nurse would bring her breakfast (which always consisted of an egg, piece of toast, and glass of apple juice). She would then return a little bit later to empty the urine bottle. And so it continued...

Finally, one morning, she decided to have a little fun. She ate the eggs and the toast, but went to the bathroom where she cleaned the urine bottle out, then poured the apple juice into it. When the nurse returned later that morning, he took a look at the bottle and a frown came over his face.

"Obviously, you enjoyed your breakfast, but something must be wrong because this looks a little cloudy," he said, pointing to the urine bottle.

"Oh, really?" she replied, picking up the bottle in question and putting it to her lips. "In that case, we’d better run it through again..."

Hope you enjoyed my first 1000 posts, and learned as much as I did