One weekend, a husband, and wife were up in the mountains and had been out for a walk. As soon as they got in, the husband complained that his hands were cold.

"Go on," said his wife. "You can put your hands between my legs to warm them up."

A little while later, the man went out to get some firewood, and complained of cold hands when he came back.

"You can put your hands between my legs," said his wife, so he did.

A while little later, he went to go get some apple cider at the store. When he came back, he said his hand were cold. Finally, his wife exploded, "Why can't your ears ever be cold!?!"
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An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.

As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it!" "Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me that he thinks you're really cute!"

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Two peanuts were walking down the street.

One was assaulted.

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Nicholas May | Creative Linking | Real Estate Webmasters

hahahhaha

Nothing like a good laugh to start the morning.

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Dallas Office Space - San Antonio Real Estate - Dallas Real Estate

*points and winls* I aim to please.

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Nicholas May | Creative Linking | Real Estate Webmasters

I liked the first two - the third one is a golden oldie.

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Jason Crouch, Broker
Austin Texas Homes, LLC
512-796-7653 (cell)
Austin Real Estate
Austin Texas Real Estate
Austin Homes

Hey Nick:
funny. I heard the 2nd one with the addition "he thinks you are really cute .. and wants to know where we keep the Vaseline...

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Fort Lauderdale Real Estate | Fort Lauderdale Condo | Fort Lauderdale MLS

Good Stuff!

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| Dubai Property | Advertise Dubai Property | Dubai Property Blog| Call +971 4 323 1018 Specialising in Dubai Property, The Springs, Meadows, Greens, Arabian Ranches, Dubai Marina, Burj Dubai, Jumeirah Islands, Emaar, Signature Villas, Garden Homes, Water Homes, JBR, The World, Nakheel, Business Bay, International City and more.

All 3 = winners today.

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Jennifer Karlen & Jon Karlen
Kentucky Horse Farms - Louisville Kentucky Real Estate - Lexington Kentucky Real Estate
Serving the Louisville KY metropolitan area including Jefferson County - Prospect Shelby County - Shelbyville Oldham County - Goshen, La Grange and the Lexington KY metropolitan area including Fayette County - Lexington Woodford County - Versailles Scott County - Georgetown Jessamine County - Nicholasville

I posted these on another forum I visit.. i couldn't resist sharing them.

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US Naval ship and the Canadians, off the coast of Newfoundland, Oct 95. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.


CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend YOU divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision.
CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
CANADIANS: Negative. I say again, You will have to divert your course.
AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET, WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
CANADIANS: We are a lighthouse. Your call.
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Here is an exact recount of US National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: " So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?"
GENERAL REINWALD: 'We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range."
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they even touch a firearm."
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: " But you're equipping them to become violent killers."
GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?"

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

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If you're not remembered, you never existed.

The first one is gold. And it makes us Canadians look brilliant.

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Nicholas May | Creative Linking | Real Estate Webmasters

I liked both of the 2nd ones, Brandon.

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Jennifer Karlen & Jon Karlen
Kentucky Horse Farms - Louisville Kentucky Real Estate - Lexington Kentucky Real Estate
Serving the Louisville KY metropolitan area including Jefferson County - Prospect Shelby County - Shelbyville Oldham County - Goshen, La Grange and the Lexington KY metropolitan area including Fayette County - Lexington Woodford County - Versailles Scott County - Georgetown Jessamine County - Nicholasville